Right after graduating high school, I moved a couple hours away to a state university and immediately started school that fall. My first semester was terribly lonely as well as stressful thanks to a ridiculous chemistry class. The next two semesters went by ok, except for a blues & jazz lit class that made me want to die. Those semesters were a lot better due to the fact that my boyfriend of two years was finally able to move to school with me. (He was a little sidetracked after a motorcycle accident. Whole other post there, guys). And then the last semester of my sophomore year came and it happened.
I. Failed. A. Class.
Now I know good and well that I wasn't putting in the effort to be a straight A student but to fail a class?? I was devastated. And when I say devastated I mean I stared at the computer screen with that bold type F on it and then bawled my eyes out as I called my mom and cried on the phone for a good 5 minutes before she understood what I was saying. Devastated. I'm not a fail a class kinda girl. I did pretty well in high school with out a lot of effort. Turns out that was exactly my problem. Big huge thanks to the efforts of my small town high school lack of legitimate college prep.
So I cried about it, freaked out like I do about most things and decided "Okay, I quit. My parents are gonna think I'm a failure and everyone else but this isn't for me and I quit." I was so nervous to tell my mom I wanted to leave I bout threw up. Being the genius I am, I decide to run head first in to some type of program that would get me a job and a degree and not require me to move home to community college or stay at the university I was at. (Most kids move home for the community college route- I loved the city I was living in and getting to know and honestly would have rather died that move home to my small town. I left there for a reason.) SO, I picked a dental assuring program at a tech type school. I figure 'Hey I can do this! Be done in 2 years! Bam. Problem solved'. WRONG.
Don't get me wrong. I really like the program I'm in. It's really interesting work. I would have a good job. And I can honestly say that I have met some awesome ladies in this program. Really good, genuine friends. A best friend who I now work with as well. The sweetest ladies who take you in like a niece. But those things don't change the fact that the school itself is a tad bit sketchy. Who wants to graduate from a school that may not be here in a year or two or even if they are, they have a tarnished reputation? Not me.
Mostly, it comes down to the fact that this entire time in the back of my head I have know "You can do it. You can finish your degree. You were meant and made for bigger and better. You want to be proud of yourself when you walk across the stage with a degree that MEANS something." It just takes me a whole to realize these things.
So, to wrap this up: I think I'm gonna do it. I think I'm going to go back to the state university I started at, suck it up and finish my degree. I plan on focusing my path to focus on child psychology now instead of a general psych path. That has a lot to do with my work at the daycare/ after school care business. There are SO MANY kids out there who we call "bad" that are the way they are as a result of their parents poor, self-centered and thoughtless actions. Kids who act out because they have no one to care, no one to show them how to handle theirs emotions and their thoughts and their actions. I already love psychology and have always had an interest in it but now I know what I could do with it. Whether it be in a practice or working through a school or even with the state, I can be the help that a child needs beyond being their "school age counselor" at their after school care and being limited by my ability and knowledge.
Long story short, here goes nothing. Now all I have to do is tell my parent and hope this looks better than I feel like it does. I honestly hope I don't look like the big hot mess that I feel like, but I've been told this is what it's like to be a normal 20-something. It's the most complicated time but people always tell you these are the good years. I guess there is some truth in that, that you eventually see in retrospect.
- M
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